Ah, so you’re finally getting married. So sweet. It’s about time. The family is relieved. You are, too.
The fresh breath of Spring floats on the air. The diamond sparkles on your finger and all the future is brimming with delight. The family rejoices. Marital bliss is blooming.
The household buzzes with preparations for June. The flowers, the church, the bridal showers, the dress, the reception, the honeymoon. So much to do, so little time. After all, it must be a perfect affair.
You don’t worry; mom’s in control, barking orders, negotiating prices, tweaking every detail. Where’s dad? Oh, you forgot about him? Poor fellow? Last time you saw him standing was when you and the new groom broke the news.
You’re sort of sorry the way it happened. In retrospect perhaps you should have just dropped a few hints instead of blurting out, “Hey, dad, I’m getting married.” It might have eased the blow somewhat. Besides, you regret having the EMT’s haul him off to the ER on account of his bad heart and your bad timing.
Oh, well, he recovered and even wanted to have some say in the event. After all, you are his only daughter, and surely his role should be bigger than just repeating, “Your mother and I.” Which gives you a little heartburn, hoping, even praying, that he will not flub and forget the four words he has to memorize. Embarrassment at weddings lives long afterward.
You speak to your mother about dad’s role. She breaks up laughing. “Honey, men have no role in weddings except one. And that is to sit down, shut up and shell out. Leave him to me. He’ll be invisible.”
Things roll along well. June gets closer. Except for the times when you’re having second thoughts. The ‘what if’s’ begin to intrude. Some strange things are not adding up. He doesn’t return your urgent calls as quickly as before. Has he had second thoughts? You admit you have.
And then there are his friends. How will you explain them to your family? After all, you know people are judged by their friends. And even worse, how will you explain the fact that the groom has just lost his cushy sales job and is temping at Doggie Delight Grooming Emporium?
And his family. They’ll all be there. How will they be dressed? Why, coming from South Georgia, who knows what they’ll be wearing. Your mother ponders the dilemma and pens up sartorial advice for appropriate wedding attire. You’re mortified at the suggestion, but first impressions are forever, after all.
Then there’s the issue of the bridesmaids. How will you choose, draw straws? Somebody’s feelings are going to be destroyed. You lose sleep, become irritable. You ask your mother. She’s no help, only to tell you which ones she will definitely not approve. The breaking of the news is your job.
The last detail is to have that obligatory sit-down with preacher Bob, the family’s crusty old hard-shell Baptist sermonizer. Straight by the Good Book, no holds barred. You book the appointment; plead with the groom to abstain from beer breath.
The preacher’s office is austere, straight-back chairs and a hard sofa. It sets the tone. The groom fidgets. Preacher Bob begins pre-marriage counseling by telling you about marriage.
He says it’s like life, a gamble with incredible odds. If it were a bet, few would take it. And for those who dare, there are two words they must pledge: “I do.” He says these words are stronger than Samson’s ponytail and are the grit that binds all newly-weds’ feet to the fire. The groom looks ill.
He says ‘I do’ is the ball and chain that forces compliance with the vows: for better or worse; for richer, for poorer; in sickness and in health; to love and to cherish till death parts. The groom’s face is pale. He shakes.
He says there’s no wiggle room in ‘I do,’ and if you say it, you own it. There are no splitting hairs with these words. Qualifying prefixes like ‘maybe’ won’t fly. ‘I do’ comes with a warning: “Danger…Think before speaking; Heaven’s listening.”
Finally, it’s over, you assist the trembling groom out while he mumbles ‘I do, I do.’ You’re relieved…he’s memorized his lines, too.
Somehow you pull it off, the wedding happens. The groom shows; Dad comes through; your mother books a long vacation cruise with friends. And so it goes… ‘I do’ wins again.
Bud Hearn
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January 20, 2018