It begins harmlessly enough, the first kiss. Who really knows what to expect? Only that it won’t be the last.
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They were young, the night was dark, the Senior prom was over. They sat in his car in the moonlit parking lot behind the school auditorium while the crowd thinned out.
Intensity filled the air. He timidly touched her hand. It touched back. Their eyes met; time stopped. Somehow, they couldn’t explain, they were drawn together. Their lips touched, and it happened, the first kiss. Youthful innocence is short-lived. They opened a door that would not soon close. Something primordial had begun, and their world would never be the same.
That kiss, it lasted too long
And we probably shouldn’t have danced to that song.
It was nothing,
It was absolutely everything…
That kiss, that girl, that place you go.
Where is she now?
You don’t even know. Liam J. Fray
I made all that up, except for the lines from Liam’s song.
Who can recall their first kiss, at least the one they actually initiated and passionately participated in? Someone said that women remember their first kiss while men forget their last one. But nobody forgets the explosive power that comes when lips touch, not to mention tongues.
Who ‘invented’ kissing, and what does it mean? Who knows, and moreover, who cares? Imagine what life would be like without kisses. Why, then the only purpose for lips and tongues would be for talking and eating and maybe, if you’re lucky, whistling. Boring.
While there are all kinds of kisses, not all are endued with eroticism. Eros kisses may be the best of the bunch, at least up to a certain age, but one can opt for other kisses along the way.
The kiss of ‘philia,’ may be the kiss most often used, especially in a public display of affection. It’s sort of like the French method, the double-cheek, air-kissing sort. Not to be confused, of course, with the other French iterations which tend more often than not to lead through the open door of bedrooms. Use caution.
Then there’s the ‘agape’ kiss, probably invented by a monk hibernating in a cave somewhere along the Dead Sea. Such kisses can be only described as indicative of ‘selfless love,’ or perhaps ‘charitable’ affection. Churches, politicians and faux eleemosynary evangelists have perfected this method of kisses, especially where the request for money is concerned.
Kisses change with age. There are the ‘before’ and ‘after’ variety of pecking. They begin with infant babies. Who can resist kissing the tots? As they grow, this proclivity of adults reaches its zenith about the age of four or five. They can no longer endure Aunt Florence’s stale-breath forehead kisses. Some say it’s the beginning of all sorts of youthful rebellion. That’s when patting heads begins.
Then there are kisses ‘after’ a certain age, where age is less chronologically defined than physiologically induced when wrinkles have rendered one’s face unappealing for lip-lock manifestations of affection. It ushers in the era of cheek kissing and kiss blowing. It’s a hygienic approach to kissing and keeps germs at safe distances.
Kisses are one of the few things in life that need no practice to be perfect. And some are better at it than others. I knew a fellow, Roy was his name. He was a natural-born kisser. He had lips so large he could kiss a wall and be stuck on it for weeks waiting for somebody to pry him off. He was a terror to all women.
Roy would walk the halls of the office, looking for a woman, any woman, to kiss. You’d see him coming, his bulbous lips licked to a shining sheen, ready for action. Avoidance from such predators is essential. It can be achieved simply by feigning interest and at the last micro-second turning the face, so his lips simply slide by, leaving only a wet streak across the cheek. Not perfect, but effective. The #MeToo movement kissed Roy back.
Honorable mention includes the ‘hello’ and ‘goodbye’ kisses. They usually begin with enthusiasm and hugs. But sometimes the departing ‘kiss-off’ can be misinterpreted. There’s the ‘see you later’ meaning or the ‘goodbye’ one whose first cousin is far more explicit. Vocal inflection is everything in goodbye kisses.
I’d leave you hanging if I didn’t include the most memorable kiss I ever had. It was from an orangutan. Ask me about it sometime.
But for now, just know that while kisses may not spread germs, they sure do lower resistance.
Bud Hearn
October 17, 2019