Lubrication is a simple solution to the rusty friction of life. Apply where needed.
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Friction is a fact of life. It’s everywhere. From body joints to nuts and bolts to frozen-up friendships. Things lock up, get rusty. They need a regular lube job.
The porch screen door is open. I close it. It reopens. What’s going on here? I examine it. The doorknob latch is frozen shut, hung up inside, won’t budge. I jiggle, twist, shout expletives at it. No movement. First impulse? Why, the hammer. It’s the manly solution to stubborn problems.
A voice calls, “Try WD-40.” Why didn’t I think of that? I avoid the hammer. Wow, a miracle. A few squirts and like magic, the latch is good as new. In fact, it worked so well, I squirted some into my walking shoes to ease up the friction on my bunions. Results are mixed.
This unique product has over 2,000 uses, from removing bird droppings to freeing locked zippers in a rush. A friend even once tried WD for eliminating ear wax. But only once. It was a failed experiment but provided perspective. Better the ear wax than listening to lamentations on a no-go Disney cruise.
WD-40 was developed in 1953. Its ingredients remain secret. Its name comes from ‘water displacement,’ and it was the 40th formula tried that worked. The process might have moved along a little faster if it had been blended with petroleum jelly and moonshine. Or just moonshine. A little bit of those lubricants will loosen up more than just tongue-tied vocal chords to a locked up love life.
But lubrication needs friction or it lives alone. While rust is not desirable, it is useful to keep nails firmly in the coffins of our secret skeletons of old lovers and deals gone bust. They’re best left interred. Resurrection is not always in our best interest.
Friction can be quite useful. Like how could dentists stay in business without friction? When’s the last time the dentist sprayed your mouth with WD prior to a procedure? No, he needs friction for the drill burr to work. Without friction, you’d have no fillings and nothing but gums. Not a pretty sight.
And don’t forget warts. They need no WD. Friction is the best way to rid yourself of these unfashionable social blemishes. Take a number 10 steel file and get to work.
Rust and arthritis have a lot in common. They both lock up movable parts. Hip joints are prime targets for arthritis. There’s no cure for this alien. Only palliatives and promises by orthopedists with their own brand of WD: steroid injections. Meanwhile, they wait quietly in the shadows for the big payday sure to come: joint replacements.
Friction lives a fruitful life in social and business relationships. It knows that it’s ‘not if but when’ cordiality converts to conflict and the relationship freezes up. All relationships come with doors, so the doorknob needs to always work both ways…in and out. Many have frozen tight over the rust of money and the grit of gossip.
But then there’s the issue of just life itself that gets rusted up, often on its own. We need relief and call it ‘no-fault’ divorce, nomenclature applicable in many situations other than marriage. But a shot of mammon-laced WD will usually open the exit door.
Needless to say, there are many things and some people that rub us the wrong way. This is bad friction, but it has its place in the scheme of things. Common sense would dictate we apply some lubricant to ease the rub. If it gets raw enough, then friction has served its purpose. Moving on is sometimes the best WD oil to apply.
Social media and media in general could use a lot less friction and a lot more lube action. Nobody talks these days. We’re a left-right, gender-confused, color-coded and pronoun-permeated culture: red, blue, rainbow, them, they and other such nonsense. How is progress made without dialogue? Relationships revolving over screens spoken by thumbs and keystrokes are shallow, superficial and lack substance. Let’s talk again.
But there’s more friction coming. The IRS has teamed up with AI with their own secret formula of WD to break the logjam of audits and open the doors of your lockboxes. They use hammers. Spend now while you can.
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But for most of the doors of our days, the only WD we’ll probably need is not a secret formula, but some sincere mutual respect offered with a smile.
Bud Hearn
September 19, 2023